TRIGGER WARNING: Having an eating disorder looks different for everyone and a healthy body looks different for everyone. If you think you may have an eating disorder, please seek help regardless of your weight and appearance. Do not compare your body type and size to that of others.
Athletes are often looked upon as heroes, but not always for the right reason. South Carolina beach volleyball senior Hannah Mackenhausen is a hero, but not just because she’s good in the sand. She is a hero because she had the courage to get help as she battled anorexia, the courage to walk away from the sport she loved to make herself better, and the courage to come back when she was in a better place and share her story.
“I feel like I’m finally recovered at this point,” said Mackenhausen, who first realized she had a problem back when she was in the third grade. “The longer I am recovered, the more stable I will be.
“I wanted to be back. I needed to be back.”
EARLY SIGNS
Mackenhausen grew up in California, and what should have been care-free days of elementary school weren’t always that way. She was officially diagnosed with anorexia at the age of nine.
“I grew up seeing how skinny people were praised in media and TV,” Mackenhausen said. “I used to be a competitive swimmer, but I wasn’t eating. My mom noticed I was losing weight. She asked what was going on. My swimsuit was getting too big for me. I remember her making macaroni and cheese for me, and she said, you need to eat this!”
Identifying the problem was one thing but turning it around wasn’t a simple process. Mackenhausen went to different kinds of therapy and took medications to try to get on the right path with her eating.
She struggled through most of her high school and college years, realizing that while she loved competing in sports, athletic activity was also a trigger for her anorexia as she would exercise to excess without taking in necessary calories.
“Even when I was managing this OK, I was still filled with fear,” Mackenhausen said. “Eating was scary to me.”
HIGHS AND LOWS
Mackenhausen began taking advantage of the mental health resources available to South Carolina student-athletes off and on as a freshman by meeting with clinical psychologist Dr. Rhea Merck. She started meeting on a more regular basis last July. Although being on the beach volleyball team could act as a trigger for her issues, it also had some benefits, as did the consistent…